Being negative is our default. If you want to be positive and happy, you will need to work at it daily. I want to share with you the right triggers to psyche yourself so you can trigger your happy button.
The last time I had an interview, the lady asked me if I’m always pumped up, motivated, and happy. The answer is a big NO. There are times when I’m in the basement of life. Life is not always peachy and exciting for me. And I’m not alone.
The gurus, preachers, thought leaders, and motivational speakers you see out there have their own share of struggles just like everyone else. They are humans. They face the same challenges we all face.
The only difference is, somehow those preachers, teachers, and speakers believe they have some form of control over their situation. They have the right attitude about life. They know there’s always something they can do to improve. In psychology that is called locus of control.
Refuse Be A Victim
The reality is, the moment you realize there’s nothing you can do to overcome your current challenge, you are in trouble. You become a victim. And your victim attitude will cause you to remain stuck.
If you believe you have control, your mind will work overtime to come up with the right solutions and possibilities. You become the captain of your soul and the master of your destiny. The glass is half full instead of half empty.
You might be thinking to yourself, “Well, I don’t have any control over the way my husband, wife, or coworkers behave. I can’t change them.” You are right. People are going to be who they are regardless of your desire to change them.
But, I want you to know you still have some control. You can choose your reaction or the way you respond. You were born with that freedom. No one can take it away from you, even if you were behind bars in a prison cell. That’s right. You can still choose to react or respond to your circumstances the way you want to.
I know we are living in a world that can be very depressing. I also know we are living in the most exciting times in history. There are also so many things we can be happy about. It all depends on our focus.
If you wake up every day and start looking for what’s wrong with this world, you will find what’s wrong. On the other hand, if you wake up and start looking for what’s right, you will see what’s wrong. It’s that simple.
How to do you make sure you are always looking at the sunny side of everything? Is it possible to be happy and motivated with so many television stations broadcasting the bad news?
The answer is, YES!
Being negative is easy. All you have to do is to wake up. You don’t have to do anything. You will be sad, depressed, and happy. Other people in your environment will contribute to your dissatisfaction.
Here’s How To Be Happy And Motivated
To be positive and motivated, you will need to work at it. It’s not automatic. Every morning, you will need to work on yourself before you start interacting with others.
Start your morning with empowering rituals. Exercise, pray or meditate, listen to some powerful and uplifting music. Have some daily mantras. Tell yourself that today is going to be a FANTASTIC day. Remind yourself how lucky you are to be alive. Keep repeating your mantras through the day.
I know that sounds so trite. You probably say to yourself, “I heard that before. Nonsense.” But, can I ask you a question? Are you practicing that every day? You see, common sense is not common practice.
I am practically showing you how to mess with your mind instead of letting it mess with you. If you dismiss what I’m sharing here with you, that’s your mind messing with you.
I challenge you to start your day with a great exercise program, pray, meditate, read your affirmations aloud, and listen to uplifting music.
You WILL have a superb day. You will be a lot happier. You will have a much better attitude to face the day and negative people in your environment.
A couple of weeks ago, I was on the road speaking. I rented a car. And after my keynote presentation, I returned it to Enterprise Rent-A-Car.
The pleasant young lady who took care of the paperwork for me gave me a ride back. Her name is Ashley. She just graduated from college. She is currently in training to be a manager.
I asked Ashley about her job with Enterprise. She told me that she absolutely loves it. I decided to go deeper.
When people give you the vanilla answer, always ask a follow-up question to probe deeper.
That’s when you discover what’s going on in the person’s life. Otherwise, they’ll tell you that everything is great.
I said to Ashley, “That’s wonderful! I’m glad you love your job. But let me ask you this: Are there times when you feel like your job is not all that wonderful?” She said, “Of course.”
I said, “I’m going to tell you exactly why your job is not always so pleasant.” She said, “Really? I want to hear that.”
I said, “I bet there’s, at least, one negative co-worker who makes life miserable at work.”
She realized I was on to something. I told her, “I call that negative person the rattlesnake.”
I went on to tell her that rattlesnakes are the ones that focus on the negative. They are the backbiters, gossipers, and bullies. They enjoy putting others down.
I bet you are thinking of at least one person in your workplace who is just like that. Right?
It’s the kind of person you wish the company would gladly pay just to stay at home.
I often jokingly tell my audiences to send their rattlesnakes to the competition. Give them an excellent recommendation to they can go ruin the competition. Though it’s funny, there’s some truth to that.
I affectionately call those negative people… jerks.
I know. Jerk is not a kind word. I supposed I could find a better way to say it. But, isn’t it true that some people are jerks? They shake your foundation to cause you to lose your cool. Am I right?
As I continued to tell Ashley about negative people and their ways, she was smiling. She could not believe I was so right about what I said.
She said, “How do you know all that? Are you some psychic?” I said, “No. I just study human behaviors.” Let me offer you three ways to handle negative people.
3 Ways to Handle With Negative People In The Workplace
1. Accept The Fact That They Are Who They Are
The point I’m making is that those mean-spirited and aggravating people won’t go away. They will always be among us.
During your brief journey on this planet, you will have to interact and work with them. There’s no way around it. You can’t hide from them.
All right, you might be saying to yourself, “Yes, I know you are right. But how do I deal with them, so they don’t create that much stress in my life?”
The answer is simple. Just accept the fact that they are who they are. You can’t change that. Besides, trying to change them is a losing battle.
Move on and refuse to let them rule your life. Don’t pray for them to disappear. Instead, you need to pray for the wisdom to accept them just as they are.
If you didn’t know, jerks are jerks anywhere and everywhere.
Here’s another fact that is mind-blowing:
Did you know that negative and mean-spirited people make up only two percent of our society? Let me put it this way for you…
Let’s say you work with one hundred people on your team. That means 98 of them are good people. But two of them are bound to be rattlesnakes or jerks.
The sad thing is, those two people can cause you a lot of grief and aggravation. They can make it look that the whole world if full of them. Do you see what I mean?
The point is; that person who gets on your last nerve is going to be just that way. Don’t wish for them to be different.
Instead, change your attitude toward their behavior. Acknowledge that it is what it is. Make sense?
So, your mantra from now on when a negative person tries to push your hot button is this simple phrase:
“It is what it is.”
Yes, if you are dealing with a co-worker who won’t stop bothering you, close your eyes and say, “It is what it is.”
Every time you think about it, just repeat that one sentence. Then say a silent prayer so God can change them.
2. Don’t Take Them Home With You
It’s very unlikely you go home with a profound sense of gratitude and joy for the excellent people in your work environment. My guess is, you probably take them for granted.
But, for some odd reason, you just can’t stop thinking and talking about the negative people at work—the jerks that make life miserable.
You go home. Instead of spending time connecting and strengthening your relationships with the people at home, you keep thinking about how such and such ruined your day.
It is as if thinking about it will change the situation. The reality is, you are aggravating yourself even more. Simply put, you are hurting yourself.
Now, how do you refuse to take those aggravating co-workers home with you? Well, do you remember your new mantra? That’s right!
“It is what it is.”
That’s how you stop negative people in the workplace from mentally torturing you.
Psychologists tell us that we are wired to avoid pain and to gain pleasure. That means, as much as Ashley loves her job, there are times when still dreads going there.
I’m sure once she becomes a manager; she’ll have to deal with more aggravation from negative employees.
How in the world do those rattlesnakes persuade someone to hire them in the first place? Really. How do you think they do it?
Well, they do it behind a mask. They talk a good game during the job interview. They are sweet and say everything the interviewer wants to hear.
But once they get the job, everything changes. That’s how rattlesnakes behave. They are slick and deceitful.
I mean one negative, pessimistic, and pain-the-neck person can slow down a whole team.
Their very presence dims the light in the room. They show up at the meeting, and they make people feel uncomfortable.
If the human resources department were paying attention, they would weed out those rattlesnakes. They would get rid of them. Can I hear you say amen?
Look, for the sake of your health, and the awesome people in your life, don’t take the jerks home with you. Quit talking about them.
Besides, your family members at home don’t deserve the aggravation you bring to them.
3. Expect Them to Show Up
The secret to making sure rattlesnakes never get to you is to expect them.
Every day when you show up to work, you should know one or two will try to spread their venom.
Here’s the way it works. As soon as that person shows up or call on the phone, you get yourself mentally ready.
Just say silently and with a smile on your face, “I read about you in an article recently. You are the two percent.
Hurry up with your nasty attitude so I can get to the nice folks out there. It’s impossible for you to make me mad.”
Then continue to smile during the whole conversation. In my recent book Negative People, I call that “reframing the jerks.”
Let Me Leave You With This About Negative People In The Workplace…
They don’t single you out for their abusive treatment. They are who they are wherever they are and with whomever.
Imagine the people who have to live in the same room with them. Would you want to be that person? Of course, the answer is no.
Lastly, let me remind you again that your job is not to change them. They will always be who they are.
Somehow, it’s the software that is running in their mind. They are programmed that way. I may be wrong. I think some of them may have a chemical imbalance that causes them to have mood swings.
Your job is to prepare mentally and condition your mind to deal with them accordingly. Once you do so, instead of being mad, you’ll just laugh at the situation and move on.
The weekend is over. It’s Monday. It’s time to go back to work. Bu you have this sinking feeling because is becoming more and more draining. Some jerks there continue to put a damper on your mood and attitude.
I’m talking about those that say mean things to you in front of others. Those that tend to stab you behind your back.
Hopefully this is not your boss I’m describing here.
But whether it is or not, you don’t feel like facing those jerks one more day. That reminds me when I was a kid in school in Haiti.
The teachers at my school had the permission to whip the students. Many of them took liberal advantage of it. One of them was my elementary teacher. He was so mean that I dreaded going to go his class for the school year.
He would often use a whip made of cowhide to scold us. I mean this thing can sink in your skin and cut you open.
Now, mind you, I was a very good boy. I didn’t get into trouble. But for whatever reason, when the teacher gets upset and frustrated, he would take it out on the entire row of students.
I used to dread going to school on Mondays. I would feel a knot in my stomach. I’m sure it’s the same for when you wake to go to work some bullies in the workplace. Some co-workers can be mean.
The jerks’ attitude and words are like a cowhide whip. They can slice your hearts open. (more…)